The Gift of Friends

This one is more of a continuation of my previous post. Regarding “A Week to Remember”. You see, aside from the question that my friend asked me, I also had a nagging question within me and it goes like this, “Now What?”.

As the event ended and we were clearing up things and our stuff and having our dinner, I couldn’t help as the question tried to replay itself within my head. I don’t know why and I don’t understand either. Maybe considering how I felt four months ago, I’d say to myself that finally it’s over. And I’d repay my debt. Not that I had an actual debt. You know what I mean, right?

But as I hit my bed that night without even changing, I was awake for a couple of hours and realized something. I don’t actually recall as to when the realization hit me, but bear with me on this one Smile.

A year ago, I was this anti-social person who worked and stayed at home. Not that I don’t have any friends but more like me avoiding them. For reasons, let me start with this: I was tired of being so vulnerable. I feel like they’ll leave anyway, so why bother? I didn’t try to get too close, or course we’d say hi and chat for a couple of minutes but it was totally a different thing. Maybe it was brought about with the recent turn of events. I did have write ups about it but I didn’t dare post. Hopefully, I’d be able to share it on the next couple of days.

Going back, I know that I was the one serving during that week but I couldn’t help but feel so blessed myself. Despite the struggles, I felt so amazed as to how He worked His magic on me. I was so preoccupied with the preparations that I didn’t realized that I was already opening myself up to others. It kind of frightened me after, but I believed He meant for it Send a kiss. I was even telling Him, you tricked me Secret telling smile. Of course I meant it in a good way Winking smile!

It kind of took me a while to admit it to myself, considering that we were supposed to be the one helping them but despite that, they became an instrument to helping me as well. My rational self is telling me, could that really be possible? Then, I’d smile, knowing that He made it possible Surprised smile. For I know that the feeling is mutual. Right guys? Secret telling smile.

As to how it would turn out after, well, I’ll leave that for Him to write. He knows better. For the mean time, I’d like to enjoy their company and basked in their good-hearted nature.

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A Week to Remember

I happened to join an event a year ago. Mind you, the event couldn’t be more timely. (More details on a separate blog, Winking smile).

Of course being one of the attendees, (as has been the tradition for such event), we get to serve for the next year’s event (that would be now). For me, I felt like I owed Him, for having been able to save me before I fell off the precipice. So I managed to go join the activities in preparation for such event.

Just about time when the event was scheduled, was also the time when I decided to jump ships and look for greener pastures. It was the boldest move I made in the past couple of years. Of course I already had a better paying job awaiting for me at one of the grocery chains existing in the city.  However, things totally went south. Right after the first day of orientation, I felt that something wasn’t right. Let’s just say that I trusted my instinct on this one. Though a lot would probably berate me why? We’ll knowing what I know now, I still don’t know why. I just thought it felt right at the moment.

I was so optimistic about the changes that I made so far. I finally felt that I was taking charge of my life. Little did I know that I was in for a big surprise. I decided to take a short cut to my plans and cut out the “working-for-a-private-company-for-two-years” before I start my own firm (as they call it!).

As I was “taking-charge-of-my-life”, I was also trying to help out with the event that was scheduled four months right after. I was so non-committal to the extent of task that I was willing to take on, considering that I was also busy taking care of my so called career. I had everything planned out as to what I would be doing on the next four months (career wise). Everything went well on the first two months (April and May to be exact). I was even back to my city just in time to join one of our activity in preparation for us to serve, despite it being the birthday of my sister whom I was visiting.

Two months to go (before the event), everything was right on schedule (as far as my career goes). I attended most of our activities in preparation for the actual event. But just as it was nearing the end of the third month (June), things went out of my control. And my nightmares came to life. My so called (short-term plan) totally went out of proportion and not one materialized. Not to mention my personal responsibilities that was piling up before me.

I did ask “Why?”. When I totally thought that it was what He was telling me to do. I was totally confused right about then. But despite my confusion, He calmed me and strengthened me. Right before I met Him and this happened to me, I would have panicked and cried myself to exhaustion. I would have grabbed my resume and corporate looks and headed to one place I’m sure that would help pay the bills.

Meanwhile, as my career decided to tumble down, our preparations for the event was gaining pace. Suddenly we had to raise funds to cover the expenses for the said event. Aside from that, we also had to invite people to participate. A lot was happening then, and considering how my career has not been working on as planned, I decided to focus on the event that I was sure to happen. Maybe this is what He really meant  for me to do.

A couple of weeks more and what I didn’t realize was how I was getting too involved with the preparations. From helping out with the funds to the listing of attendees. The task were okay for me, as I thought I already had it planned as to how I would proceed. However the little nuisances made the task kind of hard. Not that I mind at all. Because I also know that my classmates were also doing a lot of tasks already. For me it was all about being able to help others, most especially the attendees.

On with the week before the big day and still a lot to do. I couldn’t recall if most of us were able to sleep well during that week. I even noticed how my classmates are still online during the wee hours of the morning, just so they could finish the task assigned to them. I could also remember how we kind of meet like everyday (almost) during that week just so that we could practice our steps for the dance and presentations, also to prepare and make the things that are needed for the event.

As our participants arrived, everybody was also on full gear.  We were not able to start as scheduled but it didn’t dampen everybody’s mood. As everybody (our participants) was waiting in anticipation, so were we.

We were all smiles despite the lack of sleep. You could see everyone doing their own thing. Simple tasks yet when combined together made a lot of difference. As is said, “We are His Body and together we do it with COOPERATION”. (Fuller details as to what transpired, or shall I say, overview of what happened, subject to disclosure issue Smile with tongue out).

As the third day approached and the activity was almost done, you’d probably think that you’d feel very tired and weary and just want to slouch on the couch and take some zzz’s, but what I felt was totally different. Seeing how we were able to achieve our objective, maybe not on everybody but on most of them, gave me strength to continue on. The feeling was quite overwhelming.

As the event ended, a friend once asked: Are you happy with your company? I did say yes and Yes, I am happy to be where I am but I also forgot to tell you that I have never felt more at peace in my life than where I am now Secret telling smile. And asked: If I were to serve again? Well, let’s see. Thy will be done!

Masks

We all have our masks that we run to for cover. Others perceive wearing one as a wrong thing. They tend to look at it like were actors and actresses playing up a role. But it isn’t exactly like that. Not even close. At least that’s how I see it. So why really do we wear one? Masks are used to conceal the face from being identified. But the  masks that people are often wearing is something that conceals just not the face but everything underneath it.

We all have our own roads that we pass by everyday and hour. We may find ourselves together at an intersection or beside each other on an alley but not always together. There are just those paths that are better travelled alone. But never stop trusting that at the end of the road is somebody waiting, ready to cheer you up for making it that far. Whoever we maybe when we come to the end of the road totally depends upon us. Whether we choose to walk out with our head held high and our feet on the ground or our heads floating together with the clouds. The choice is ours.

But what happened in that street or road is yours to cherished or hate. All those roads are just mere chapters in this journey that we call life. Sometimes those events are shared best with the people whom we have come to walked with or to whom we trust our life with. But not all people are alike and some prefer to keep them to themselves. Others also like to keep it as their own secret whom they will choose to reveal to somebody later but not yet. As for the meantime as they continue to walk and take on another street they put up a mask to protect themselves.

There is this line that I would like to quote, “Sometimes our best enemy are the people that are those that are closest to us. And the worst are ourselves”.

It all starts with Acceptance.

I recently spent some time with my friends over the weekend. Like most conversations went, we catch up with recent trends in our life and how we were doing. Trust me, our talks was not something I am was prepared for. Not even the smallest bit. You see, I’m the type of person who listens and asks more questions than answers one. If I happen to notice that the spotlight is on me and my personal life, I end up getting scared than happy. It is as if I’m walking on an alley and I suddenly hit the dead-end. I then feel like I’m boxed out in the corner with no where to hide. The next thing I know, all my senses has left me. Then I shut down. As to when I recover is definitely beyond me. This is the time when I totally am silent. This is only because if I have questions, it’s more directed to me and my inner self.

You might would ask, why I came there in the first place when I knew for myself that I wasn’t ready. But can I help it if I so miss my friends that bad? It’s been months since we had a real conversation. I guess the reason why I shut myself off from others and keep giving them incoherent replies are due to my trust issues. Opening up to someone this past months have been so hard because I didn’t want to wallow myself with all my issues when I know I have greater responsibilities to attend to. Breaking down was not something that I could afford at the moment. Nor would I like to burden them with my problems when I know they do have their own weights to carry. But then again, like a bad dream, it will continue to hunt you down until such time that you are able to conquer it.

Like the story of a cup of water. Holding up half a cup of water with your arms outstretched is easy but what you’ll soon realize is when you actually hold it more than your supposed to, that is when you’ll feel the weight of the water boring through your shoulder blades and arms. You could have chosen to let go of the cup to end your misery but you chose to hold it for a while longer thinking that you’d manage. But as they say, not all secrets are meant to be kept as secrets for so long. They will only drag you and keep you down. They are dead weights. No amount of physical fitness could prepare you for this kind of weight. No matter how much I often hit the gym to keep myself toned, I just think that this one’s got to go. 

So maybe, just maybe, this is my first step to that. As they would say, it all starts with Acceptance.

Tips to Passing the CPA Licensure Exam

Well, as most of you haven’t known, I’m an accountant by profession. Much to my surprise , I passed  the exam 3 years ago. Recently, I happen to bumped into a friend of mine during my college days and was asked what are the tips to passing the CPA Licensure Exam. I figured that my answer wasn’t that full and was cut short considering that I also had to go to my class. (Yes, you read it right! I’m not a student though, if you happen to ask, but I facilitate the student’s learning). So, let’s get started.

1. Decide on it. Before you even finish your Bachelor’s degree, be sure to decide whether what is it you wanted right after. If you figure out that the license that you would receive if you pass the exam is something that you really want or need then the rest would come easily.

For me, passing the exam wasn’t  really a want but a need. I wanted to help my mom who was doing the best that she can to give us a good life. Then also, I have two siblings that have yet to finish college as well. And mind you, our finances weren’t really that good. We don’t have much to really land in a good university. We had to rely on scholarships and discounts. And much to my dismay, I figured that if I worked right after my graduation (it wasn’t as if I wasn’t working already, because I was) but you know, getting a real job, having your own desk and cubicle, those kind of stuff if you were to work in a private company, I’d risked the chance to have a better salary if I didn’t take the exam first. The responsibility of helping my siblings was already there before I even graduated, but I said to myself, why not take the exam regardless if I passed or not. At least at the end of the day, I had no regrets and what could be the worst thing that could happen?

2. After you have decided, make sure to pass your degree first or if you’ve done this as you read, then you may proceed to the next tip. But if not, continue reading.

Most of the degree’s in the country that I am studying, has this elimination process for students to be really equipped upon graduation. They put them to the test. Every after school year, before you could enroll yourself, you need to be able to pass the qualifying exam. This would cover the lessons you have discussed during the school year as well as the previous years from that. This would ensure that all the lessons were really understood and you don’t try to forget about them. Those lessons will then serve as your foundation for the upcoming school year’s lessons. So every year and exam that you pass, get’s you a step higher to your dreams.

3. After you get your degree, invest in a good review center. Trust me, the cost for such review centers is really worth it. Especially if you worked hard for what you pay.

I can proudly say that I was able to support myself during this entire process and still was able to help my mom. I was trying to juggle both my work and my studies to further prepare for the exam. For me, this was the only chance I could possibly get. I can’t afford to screw this up. I even had to let my mom understand why I needed to do this, and she really understood despite our hardships. I knew that my mom was expecting that I help out in the family’s financial affairs by then, but she was real patient about it. She managed to keep us afloat what with my two siblings both in college already.

The review for the exam would take you about 5 to 6 months of studying and burning those candles at night. It will be a tough time, mind you. You’ll be encouraged or discouraged along the way. So if you’re already enrolled in one, your almost there, just hang on for a little bit. All the hardships in the world will come to pass, as soon as this is over. (The responsibility right after the exam can be daunting, especially if you pass, but it would all come in easy especially if you’ve been through so much already).

Finishing through the entire review course, would be real boring and unexciting. But there are some tips I could give you to make your review a lot easy. I think this blog is getting too long, so I decided to have the next few tips on a separate blog. So stay tuned. And if you happen to have more tips, I would really love to hear them as well.

See you. Be right back

Journey to One Self

Does anybody know how many days will it take us to travel back and forth to see who we really are? If my question makes any sense at all. At times, I thought that it will only take a night or two. I often hear people getting away from the city or the place where they are from to go soul searching. To try and figure things out for themselves. I did try doing it myself whenever I get to travel. I’d say that I’m doing myself a favor. You know, getting out of the hustle and bustle of the city to try and sort my thoughts. I always try to make sure that whenever I go somewhere that I’d spend some time alone. See what my mind and heart tells me. It was good. I really was able to sort some things out. I thought that was enough and I’d known my entire self until now when I decided to shut myself out from the world.

I really didn’t know how it all happened. It just started out with me deactivating my social media network. My reason back then was my work. I kind of find my job overwhelming at that point and thought that I spent most of my time on it. What I hadn’t known was how deep my reasons were. Not that I’m against social networks as I do have my own (wordpress) account. Just that it was kind of getting suffocating for me (the one I deactivated). People were posting a lot of stuff online about themselves and thought I was kind of ashamed of what I had or where I’m working. You see the society where I’m living has their own set of standards. Here, when you have your own degree and license, people have their expectations and when you fall short, well you know how it goes.

So when I’m asked again, and I wish not, I just hope that I can summon up the courage to answer and tell you that the person who owns it is currently constructing herself and is in the state of putting all of the pieces together and hope to get back to you as soon as she can. But in case if I fail and give you a smile, I can only pray that you find it in your heart to be patient with me for a while and that you’d be there when this journey ends.

See you then.

Initiation rite Into the blogging community

There is this saying that “Everything has a reason”. For every act that you see, look. For every word you hear, listen. For every scent you encounter, smell. For every emotion you go through, feel. This are all our senses that we normally react to. Our reactions may be acceptable or not, but what can we do? Those are our responses to every sense that we have or what I would like to call our judgments.

All over the world, I would say that there are a lot of bloggers and blog posts just waiting to be read. (I am even one who is currently blogging and thank you for reading). But what really intrigues me are the reason why bloggers (like myself) subject ourselves to the obstacle of editing and proofreading, just to be able to convey our thoughts. Then I ask myself the same thing and here are what my inner voice said.

I am definitely living in a world of layers, the ones I built for myself. I have been accustomed to the life where you have to be strong and tough to be able to find your way to the top. As to where and what lies at the top are beyond me. But it is definitely where we all like to be. As I make my way to the top, I have gained covers to protect me from the harshness of the weather. Never did I know that those covers would consume me so much that I’d forget how nice it is to be exposed.

So if I was asked again and this was my initiation into the blogging community, I’d simply say, “This is me trying to shed those layers and exposing myself to whatever this is, (God tell me what I’m doing!)”. I don’t know if my thoughts are being coherent but it is definitely something that I had to write.

Again, “Everything has a reason or a purpose”. I think I found mine, have you?